Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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