Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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