Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
