I wanna bring you to show and tell
...so i touched it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
