i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
