A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
