please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
