I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
