DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
