also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
