i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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