If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
