I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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