Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
