So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
