You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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