Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
