She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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