I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
