Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
