I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
