The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
