My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
