Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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