So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
