i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Im part way to drunk.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
