Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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