Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
