You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
