Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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