Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
