his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
