Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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