I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
