Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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