Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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