The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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