wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
