I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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