dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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