You're so nebulous sometimes
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
