I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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