Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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