dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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