He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize