So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
