Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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