I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
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Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
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I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize