oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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