Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
