I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
