2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
