Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
