he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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