She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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