So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
