white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
