I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
