I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
