I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
