I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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